Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rib Time and the Rise of Niagara Pinot Noir!

Greetings All and Sundry:

Those of you who know the Deacon well, know he' lubs barbecued ribs. Well here's the wine that'll make your ribs tickle with a perfect oenephilic match!

Pick up some President's Choice pre-cooked ribs and cook them slowly over medium low for about 30 to 40 minutes. Don't burn all the sugar off, but dry the ribs out considerably so they fall off the bone. Serve with:

Rancho Zabacho 2002 Dancing Bull Zinfandel - $15.95

This hits the nail on the head with classic Zin jammyness! Zin grows better in California than anywhere, although it's actually a Croatian grape. And nothing goes better with Zin than barbecued ribs. Trust me on this one!

If you're feelin' a little heavier in the wallet, splurge and pick up

Ravenswood 2003 Vintners Blend Zinfandel for only $19.95

Loads of plum jam and toastiness in this one; easily the Deacon's fave!

Somebody try one of these and write in and tell me I was right...AGAIN!

The Deacon is currently watching Ontario 2004 Pinot Noir...Remember the head's up I gave y'all about New Zealand's version of the Heartbreak Grape? Well here's another heads up:

The 2004 promises to be damn good! If you recall, the year was miserable right to the first of September. Some winemakers thought the crop was ruined, but suddenly another month of nice weather hit and the Pinot Noir flourished. I predict that the 2004 vintage will put Niagara's Pinot on the map. Arguably, Cabernet Franc does the best of all the reds in the Niagara appellation. It's just not hot enough to create a complex Cabernet Sauvignon or the newcomer, Syrah. On the other hand, Niagara's climate may just be able to produce a great Pinot. Henry of Pelham has already had excellent results with their unfiltered variety.

Keep watching and stay tuned...

These questions from the electronic mailbag:

"Dear Deacon: I'm a newcomer to wine and read about the flavours of leather, tobacco, mint, cherries, etc. What do they add to wine to give it those aromas and flavours? Keep the info coming!" - Darryl S., Kitchener Ontario

Answer: Nothing!

"Deacon Fresh, What's the best corkscrew to use?" - J. Rimms

Answer: One with a hollow helix. You don't want one of those comedy ones that looks like it has rising arms and a Linda Blair rotating head. That's got a solid core helix and rips the very bowels out of the cork! Treat your wine with more respect, Jack!

"Deacon: I love your newsletter! What do you think of screwcaps on wine?"

Answer: Bring them on! The wine stays fresher, is never corked and is perfectly resealable so you can throw a half-bottle on the front seat to drink while you drive!

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh
The winemaster who never whines...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Wine Fight Card November 19th

Summary: The Ultimate Fighting Championship® (UFC®) is bringing double the action and twice the force into the Octagon™ when UFC Middleweight Champ Rich Franklin and UFC Welterweight Champ Matt Hughes lead the line-up with title defenses for UFC 56: FULL FORCE at the MGM Grand Garden Arena Saturday, November 19, 2005. Tickets for UFC 56: FULL FORCE go on sale at 10 a.m. PT Monday, September 19, $400, $300, $200, $100 and $50, and are available through all Ticketmaster locations,,, and by telephone at 800-929-1111 or 702-891-7777. Ticket purchases are subject to transaction fees. Rich “Ace” Franklin (20-1-0) 6’1”/185 lbs. from Cincinnati, Ohio is the current UFC Middleweight Champ. He will make his first title defense since capturing the belt from Evan Tanner by doctor stoppage at UFC 53 in June 2005. Matt Hughes (39-4-0) 5’9”/170 lbs. from Hillsboro, Illinois is the current UFC Welterweight Champ. His return to the Octagon™ ends much anticipation for MMA fans, following his submission by rear naked choke of Frank Trigg at UFC 52 in April 2005. Main event is a "Wine Fight" with Deacon "The Shadow" Dr. Fresh fighting out of Toronto Canada vs. Robert "The Nose" Parker for title "President Doctor Wine Expert of the Universe for Life". Dr. Fresh is a Welterweight at 163 lbs. and 5' 10 inches. Parker is a Heavyweight at 6' 200 lbs.
This promises to be the Fight of the Century!

You heard me.


Robert Parker in Toronto to Sign Fight Deal!

Greetings Children of the Vineyard!

The wheels are definitely in motion. Your humble Deacon spoke with Nosey Parker late last night regarding our upcoming fight in the Octagon. (See previous postings for details) The Deacon was able to record the conversation, some of which is transcribed for you here:

Deacon: you are accepting and we're set to go?
Parker: Uh...yes...I'm prepared to name any vintage you put before me...
Deacon: No, Cracker! Are you ready to face me in the Octagon?
Parker: ...Oh that...yeah...I guess...November 19th right?
Deacon: Yeah. Now listen Mofo...I just got off the phone from Mandalay Bay and I'm wondering if it's big enough for the both of us. Another option is the MGM Grand. They have a huge venue too. This is gonna sell out you know!
Parker: Right...right...wherever...
Deacon: So who's gonna be your second? Are you going with Mondavi?
Parker: (sounds depressed and vague) probably wouldn't survive it at his age...I'll find someone though...I'm looking at the Australian Flying Wine Doctors for a good cut-man...
Deacon: Ok. So you'll come to Toronto when?
Parker: Next week...probably the 27th of October...But look! We have to cover this somehow. Nobody can know I'm in Toronto signing a fight-deal!
Deacon: Well what about that Grand Cru Culinary Wine Festival that the crackerjack mofos didn't invite me to? You can claim you're in town for that, right? I mean those fifteen hundred a ticket crackerjack, peckerwood, jank-mofos would love to have you there, right?
Parker: That's true...ok...that'll be our cover...We'll meet when I'm in Toronto...I'll call you from the airport and you can pick me up.
Deacon: Yeah, and you can bite me! Grab a cab! Put your hand in your pocket for once, Cracker!
Parker: ...Ok...yeah... see you...(hangs up)

So keep watching the news. More as the story develops.

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Uninvited Guest of Crand Cru Culinary Wine Festival

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Parker Accepts! The Octagon is Prepared...

Greetings Y'all! The impossible and unlikely has happened. Just before curfew on Saturday night, your humble Deacon of the Grape received an email from Robert M. Parker agreeing to fight in the Octagon this November 19th on Pay Per View! Who would have ever thought he'd accept? It is expected the fight will take place at the luxurious Mandalay Bay Casino in Las Vegas, but details are still being finalized. It is still not known if Parker will take Robert Mondavi as his Second and Cut-man, or will go further afield for a more spry assistant. In any case, Deacon Dr. Fresh has confirmed Billy Munnelly of Billy's Best Bottles ( as his man in the corner. "It's not surprising" said Parker in an Interview for Wine Spectator. "Munnelly's got Irish blood and is widely recognized as the best cut-man in the wine industry". The Deacon is confident that this will end in Round One with a submission or "ground and pound". Stay tuned as this story develops...
You heard me.
Deacon Dr. Fresh
Winemaster of the Octagon

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Deacon Throws Down The Gauntlet!

The dispute as to who is the Undisputed Lord of the Grape is still being disputed! Many of my loyal readers have written, axing Yours Truly how the Million Dollar Nose of Robert Parker compares to the psychedelic Hendrix attuned mastery of the Deacon's own olfactory and gustatory powers. Here's a sample:
Dear Deacon Dr. Fresh: I love your brilliance, but am confused. Should I listen to you, or Robert "The Nose" Parker? Who's the top dog in the vineyard? - Stanley St. Catherines Ontario
Well Stanley, I'm tempted to send you to my other website, Wine for Dix ( but will restrain myself this once! Here's how you figure it out...
What does Nosey Parker know about Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Black Label Society or Throwdown? How many of Slash's guitar picks does he own? How many Rickson Gracie Brazilian Jiu Jitsu seminars has he attended? How many tattoos does Parker have? The answer to all of these incredibly telling questions is JACK! Why should we listen to him pontificate on wine? Has Parker ever looked lurch? I don't think so! In fact, if you look at the photograph, he actually looks pretty damn jank! And not just jank, but cracker-jank! I mean look at that collar! He looks like he's ready to receive your confession! Is he tastin' wine, or sayin' Mass? For all the above reasons, your beloved Deacon has no alternative but to challenge Robert Parker to a duel...
In the Octagon!
Here's the rules: Robert Parker must fight the Deacon in a classic No Holds Barred fight. Fish-hooking and eye-gouging are not permitted, neither are weapons. Each contestant must consume 2 litres of Australian Shiraz within 20 minutes of the bout. Each contestant is allowed one corner man. The fight will be 3 rounds of 10 minutes each. The victor can win by knockout, submission (triangle choke, kimura, etc.) or if the opposing corner throws in the towel. Parker can have Robert "Fume Blanc" Mondavi as his Second and the Deacon chooses the extremely lurch Billy Munnelly of Billy's Best Bottles as his own Second and Cut Man.
Parker has until Midnight, October 15th to confirm and arrange the weigh-in or forfeit's by default. The Winner will be automatically declared His Excellency President Dr. Wineman For Life.
Here's the prediction: If Parker agrees, it will end within 3 minutes of the first round. The Deacon will punch Parker's lights out, destroy his legs with Muay Thai kicks to the lateral femoral nerve, leg-sweep him and choke him on the ground. Let's see if Spike TV picks it up...
You heard me.
Deacon Dr. Fresh
Winemaster of the Octagon

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Rise of Prince Edward County!

Greetings Boyz and Girlz!

I be back from Prince Edward County's TASTE! wine festival with all the latest info for you! On Saturday morning your humble Deacon of the Grape arose before the sun to make the pilgrimage to Picton, so you wouldn't have to. It was early when the Deaconess and her brother Steve and I hit the highway in the Candy Apple Red Caddy and kicked the beast into overdrive. (Don't listen to the crackers who tell you that the Bay of Quinte is 2 hours from T.O. You're lookin' at 20 minutes tops! The key is to drive on the shoulder and leave it to the mofos to try to get out of the way of your fishtailing, gravel-spraying 500 horsepower monster.) It was a damn cold morning and when we hit Picton (well fortified with ice-wine shooters) we paid our $12.50 each and joined the plebs in the line-up to get in the Crystal Palace. It was very pleasant, but calling it a "Palace" was a bit of a stretch and your humble Deacon was clearly the only Royalty present. After the usual pressing the flesh and signing autographs and the odd boot to the stones of a renegade papparazzo who though I was Usher, we were in. The aroma of real food wafted our way: Curried lamb, wild boar pate, pumpkin roulade, heirloom tomato consomme served in a hollowed out bell pepper, simple but delicious salade...the list goes on. The savory shortbreads (4 types) were delicious and addictive. Nice to see brilliant chef Jamie Kennedy making an appearance too. My Homeboy Billy Munnelly of "Billy's Best Bottles" attended too and looked real lurch, almost out-pimping the Deacon himself! But how was the wine? Well...I have to say the vines are still too young for the Deacon. I'm expecting great things from this appellation in the next 5 years or so, assuming I'm not shot in a drive-by before then. I tried a Pinot Noir that cost me a handful of tickets and it was promising, but not there yet. Clearly, the growing season had been long enough but the vines just aren't mature yet. But don't despair...There was some really lurch wine too! I'm going to mention Sandbanks Estate Winery 2004 unfiltered VQA Cabernet Franc. This Cab Franc does a lot more than promise to be good in a few years. This is the real deal. It cost me 6 tickets when most samples were 3 and was well worth it. It was deep ruby-red with some red berries and a light touch of thuja. Although I prefer my Cab Franc to taste like a forest floor, this was a beautiful wine. It's only available in fine restaurants so far, but we hope that will change soon. Watch for it! All in all it was a good day. My final analysis is as follows: Prince Edward County, Ontario's newest appellation isn't there yet. But it's well on its way and promises much in the next few years. I recommend you support these fledgling wineries and help them learn to fly.

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh

Friday, October 07, 2005

The most "I take myself extremely seriously" Mullet in history? Posted by Picasa

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Oh No! Boh No!

One of the purposes of this wine website is public service. It has struck your humble Deacon of the Grape that there's way too much Bono worship going on among those who confuse fame with wisdom. In the interest of public awareness I wish to remind all of you that this ultimate cool, human fly, millionaire socialist and solver of all the worlds problems in ways that can never actually be quantified (because he hasn't actually done anything) used to be the proud owner of a particularly cheesy and trailer-trash Mullet!

So crack open a bottle of plonk and fill your brain with this hideous image that I'm sure Captain Cool would love to forget forever...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Led Zeppelin and Bordeaux? No mofo vino for Zoso... Posted by Picasa

What Wine with What Music?

Greetings All and Sundry!

This just in:

Dear Deacon,

I'm having some friends over for a barbecue and although there is a lot of information on what wine with what food, I can't find anything about what wine with what music. Please help!

- Sandor

Dear Sandor: You've come to the right place! What is with these pontificating, cracker wine writers who don't know Jack about music? Don't get me going...Anyway, here's the straight dope the Nosey Parkers and other wine wannabees won't tell you 'cause they can't!

The rules are very easy to understand:

Merlot and Celine Dion go well together for obvious and horrible reasons. If you have to ask why, see my other publication, Wine for Dix at

For AC/DC always drink a powerful Australian Shiraz. Keep it as young and high-octane as possible. The Deacon's general quantity rule applies here - 2 bottles per guest per hour.

Oz rockers Midnight Oil are another good choice for any powerhouse Shiraz. Stick with the albums where the brilliant Peter Gifford played bass. Anything else is just not lurch!

For Led Zeppelin any Bordeaux works well and fits with the band's expensive tastes. Failing that, you can serve Veuve Clicquot Champagne in complete safety.

Radiohead requires something inscrutable. I recommend an Argentinian Malbec with heavy oak toast flavours.

For Tom Waits, stick with a good Port or perhaps Madeira.

That's all the music you need and all the info you require for a rockin' good evening, barring the Celine which was a frickin' joke!

To all those in the know I say


You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Chris Leben Victorious Again! Posted by Picasa

Chris "The Crippler" Leben and Red Truck Wine!

Yo people! How many of you watched 5 (count-em, 5!) hours of Ultimate Fighting Championship on Spike TV tonight? If you don't have a clue what I'm talkin' about, check out Wine for Dix at htttp:// for something more to your intelligence. and Adam "The Sadist" Sutherland were watching UFC tonight and knocked back about 6 bottles of Sonoma Red Truck, a "kitchen sink blend" with pizza. Red Truck is definitely not a Bordeaux but stands up well to tomato sauce and pepperoni. Adam and I started trying to triangle-choke each other on the rug during the commercials and decided that Red Truck is a great pain-killer. We have designated it the official wine for watching Chris Leben, our hero, who managed an easy victory tonight over Edwin "Babyface" Dewees. Leben and Red Truck are both red and both can ground, pound and choke you, go through you like a hot car and leave you with gut-rip and a migraine when you finally wake up!
Congratulations on your victory Chris!
Choke one for the Deacon!
You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Winemaster of the Octagon

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Vatican Releases "Popes de Rome" Wine!

Greetings Homeys and Homettes! It's official! Some of you vitis vinifera fanatics have written thanking me for the heads-up regarding Goats do Roam, the South African would-be clone of a classic Cotes de Rhone. I wrote of the Village version as being worth the few extra bucks. Well it's happened...The clone has been cloned! Check out the Vatican's newest offering: Popes de Rome 2004. This lively, powerful and vindictive wine is Cardinal red with a rather Jesuit note that first hits the tongue like a black leather strap. There is a fruity frivolousness, backed by an acid backbone as strong as the steel in a Panzer Division. The tannins stab your mouth like a bayonet, demanding immediate doctrinal conformity. Made entirely from the rare Ignatia de Loyola grape, this conservative wine is the first release from the Magisterium of the Holy Inquisition Collection. A whole case will run you only $666.00 and you get a free indulgence coupon worth 500 years off your Purgatory time with every case purchased! All orders of 10 or more cases are delivered securely packed in an iron maiden with a free pair of thumbscrews!
Order direct online:
You heard me.
Archdeacon Dr. Fresh

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