Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Grano, Billy, Beppi and the Usual Suspects...

Greetings Children of the Vine! Yes, I'm actually posting again!!! Rejoice!!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (Gales of hysterical laughter)

And now the compulsory rant, right off the top of my head: Every single one of you colour vassals and rotisserie pouches can sit gaping in the gapery at the wit, wisdom and wicked humour, you will never EVER understand! It takes profound schema and real intelligence to write something this incredibly stupid. OK...I'm listening to Immortal Technique for inspiration and just throwin' it down and keepin' it real! In the words of Richard Feynman:

"It's all about the field, muhfuh!"

BTW...Isn't it great that there's no inflation? I heard it on the radio the other day, so it must be true, and I am thrilled that prices for gas, electricity and food are not going up! We just think they are...Looks like a great time for another distracting war on foreign soil...

But I digress.

OK, lots to cover here. Last week I was at Grano for another lurch Billy and Kato event, in support and sellebrashon of their new wine app, which I wrote up last update. The Deaconess and I attended with Don Brutus and Kathryn the Great, and enjoyed host Roberto's usual stellar hospitality. We sampled Prosecco and 6 other wines, served up with fabulous Italian appetizers by Grano's friendly and efficient staff. A great time was had by all...which leads me to give you a heads-up:

Look for my homey Beppi Crossariol who's going to be doing an event at Grano on May 10th, entitled Italy Sends it's Best! This promises to be really lurch, because Beppi knows his stuff and Italy has a lot to offer. As many of you peckahs know, your humble Deacon is a huge fan of the Italian potable, which is probably ground zero for truly great rustic wines that bring honest and simple food to life. Contact Grano for more info. Your Deacon may just see you there, if I'm not away teachin' Jiu Jitsu or neck-crankin' some antivinophilic moron.

A couple of dayz ago, I dropped by the Fine Wine Reserve on King Street West to see my boyz, including the Usual Suspects: Tony Aspler, Canada's Dean of Wine; Michael "Power Glans" Pincus, who was his usual irreverent and hilarious self; Konrad Ejbich (the World's foremost expert on Single Finger Raynaud's Syndrome); Zoltan "The Transylvanian Terror" Szabo, Dick "Richard" Snyder, etc., etc., etc. We all gathered to evaluate the current crop of Ontario Ice Wine and decide the Gold, Silver and Bronze medalists. Sadie Darby did her usual fabulous job of looking after the food and refreshments while we all slurped, expectorated ("spit" for all you Keswickians), and otherwise put our seals of approval or disapproval on the World's Greatest Dessert Wines. What was interesting, was how on side we all were. In almost every case, we only differed by a couple of points (out of a possible 100), and we ALL nailed the Gold Medalist in double blind tastings, where neither the pourers nor the drinkers knew what the wines were. I can't tell you what the medalists are, but the Gold Medal Winner is one helluva great wine, and I'll be picking up a case of it as soon as it's announced, unless of course, the winery to be revealed sends a case to my door... This wine's balanced and got EVERYTHING it's supposed to have. Watch for it. More to follow...

A note about the Fine Wine Reserve. This is a truly amazing cellar. If you've got super-lurch wines, this is where to keep it. You need an electronic pass, a retinal scan, and have to provide DNA epidermal scrapings just to open the washroom door! It's awesome, and exactly like Fort Knox, except it isn't empty...

That's all for now. BTW...due to certain Global Events, Libyan and Japanese wine will be unavailable until further notice...

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Accurately evaluating the globe while it's still here...


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