Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Puff Adders and Wine!

Greetings All and Sundry!

This just in from the Electronic Mailbag:

Yo Deacon: I got a situation here and need The Man's advice! Yesterday my main homey Taco and me headed to San Diego Zoo with Bevalante, Shasta and Ejaculine. We naturally gravitated to the Serpentarium to scare the ladies. Well Taco climbs up on the wall to take a picture of this mega puff adder that was lying sleepy and curled up as the picture shows. Anyway, while he was up on the wall, Bevalante jostles him with her enormous posterior and Taco falls in the cage! All of a sudden, Puff Daddy Adder wakes up and man was that sumbitch mad! Taco reaches into his ankle holster for his 9 mm but Mr. Satan Snake leaps up like Michael Frickin Jordan and bites him right on the E-Reck-Shun! The girls start screamin' and we drag Taco out and rush him to Alvarado Hospital. He starts to swell up in the toilet area (but not in a good way) and Shasta and Ejaculine hit the street and manage to raise nearly 80 bucks for his treatment. Well guess what? The mofo expired last night! Now I got a frickin funeral to deal with on Friday. Which brings us to my question: What's the best wine to serve at the funeral of a homey who died from a snakebite? - Rozeen, San Diego California.

Yo Rozeen! Sorry to hear about Taco, but if he's goofin' with a Puff Adder he's one stupid cracker mofo jankbucket! Fortunately, there's a good wine that will remedy the situation: Go out and buy some Angoves 2002 Red Belly Black South Australian Shiraz. It's named after another nasty snake and if you obey the general rule of 4 bottles per guest per funeral, nobody will give a rip about Taco.

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh


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