Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Deacon meets the Count of Graves!

Greetings All and Sundry!

It was a rainy day in Pizzaville... and could someone... anyone... explain to me what that stupid commercial means?

But I digress...

Today we're rappin' bout Bordeaux and other lurch stuff! But first the mandatory greeting to all my homeys, newcomers and fellow sojourners under full-sail, through the grapish night: Wassup?

And let's not ever forget all you radish eatin', Royal Arch raisin', fingernail clippin', pouch scratchin', election riggin' bunch of DIX that is still with me, despite all the brilliantly creative names I call you! Thanks for comin' back again and again and again...

So here we go...

On Monday last, your Humble Deacon responded to one of the many invites I get from the wine industry and big players out there, and attended a small, ecks-kloosive, wine-tasting at Beckett Fine Art in sunny and wealthy Oakville Ontario. (And if you have to axe why you weren't invited, you won't understand the answer...) As you can imagine, a huge star like the Deacon gets invited to approximately 4 or 5 events per day, but only attends the critical ones, 'cause I don't like to spread myself too thin. Well anyway, when my homeboy, The Wine Baron invited me and the Deaconess to sample some fine (and I do mean fine) Bordeaux, we couldn't refuse.

What made this event so kool, apart from the legendary hospitality of the Baron and his lovely wife was the dude they had visitin' them: No less than M. Emmanuel de Pontac of the Chateau des Jaubertes (seen in the photograph). The table was spread with pate, grapes and tiny, delicious, roast beef sandwiches that I immediately attacked and put out of their misery. We knocked back a few bottle of delicious Bordeaux Blanc (that's a white wine for those of you in Keswick) that was mostly Semillon with about 20 points of Sauvignon Blanc. These grapes are grown on some nasty, gravelly soil, which actually makes great wine. (Contrary to popular opinion, you don't grow grapes on the kind of soil you get in Holland Marsh.) It was great stuff with just a kiss of oak, rather than the groin-kick of oak you get from some whites (and I won't say anything about Yellowtail. Not a damn thing.) It was really nice, but the red really blew our sox off! How about it was a 2005, which for a red Bordeaux is about 20 minutes out of the birth canal, it's that young. The tannins were not overwhelming though and the wine tasted delicious with the roast beef. Your Deacon believes this wine will be unbelievable in about 3 years! If memory serves me well, the de Pontac family founded Chateau Haut Brion, which got the first Grand Cru rating in all of La France.

I hung around with Emmanuel de Pontac, whose family actually lives in that frickin' castle they call a chateau, and I wasn't joshin' y'all when I said he's a Count. He's actually a frickin' Count! Once I got used to protectin' my jugular vein, I kept calling him Monsieur le Compte, as we conversed effortlessly in French; your Deacon being a polyglot and all. He was a really friendly dude too, and it turned out there was no need to drive a stake through his heart, once I realized he was unperturbed by the daylight.

So here's the bottom line crackers: The Wine Baron and the Count are planning on bringin' this excellent Bordeaux into Ontario at bargain basement prices. The wine fascists at the LCBO won't be carryin' it, so you got's to buy it directly. We're lookin' at 35 bucks a bottle, and you have to buy at least a case. If you're a collector or just want to wow your peckerdine friends, contact The Wine Baron at: (905) 719-7030

You're gonna be seeing Chateau des Jaubertes wines in fine restaurants, but why not beat them to the punch? I'd like to see John and Zoltan Szabo get onboard with this one...

You heard me.

By the way, thanks again to all of y'all who actually believed my brilliant April Fools Day joke about bein' forced offline by Yellowtail. I appreciate all your unnecessary rage and weepy condolences. Next time: check the date mofo!

To get regular updates from the Deacon hisself, drop me a line at

Deacon Dr. Fresh
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