Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Under A Black Flag We Shall Sail...

The Seas Shall Be Our Empire!

Argh! Greetings from His Excellency, Captain Deacon Dr. Fresh.

To all in my Pirate Crue, the Legion of Lurch, and my fanz around the electronic wine world, in the name of Calico Jack, I greet you!

And a hearty "Bite me crank, matey!" to all you land-lubber, plank walkin', media believin', barnacle-brained DIX out there, who haven't got a brain-cell between you, but tune in anyway in case you miss somethin' good, "Argh!" again!

So your Captain has a lot to report, not the least of which is I just got back from New Tribe, where tattoo artist extraordinaire, Eric, inked your Humble Captain Deacon with his 10th tattoo! Bein' a little sore from the hour-long needle invasion, I'm just sittin here in the Crow's Nest, fillin' in all the details of the last few days in the Black Freighter's Logbook...

Friday was one lurch day, in which your Captain and his loyal wench, the Deaconess, made our heading landwards to visit the Gourmet Food and Wine Expo. With a cutlass at my waist and a pair of pistols in my belt, I sallied forth to quaff the wines of the world; this being while some of you workaholics were all busy helping some corporation raise their share prices at the expense of your free-time and your life...

Here's what was notable, and I got to hurry as there's a lot to report:

Opus One 2002 Napa Valley, California, United (Police) States of Amerika $269.95
No Virginia, that's not a typo. Is it amazing? Absolutely! Is it worth it? Not a chance in Hades. It drinks more like a $245.00 wine.

Now here are 2 really lurch wines you gotta check out:

First the white...Fielding Estate Chardonnay (unoaked) 2005. At only $13.00, this is a really nice Chard. Buy it at:

For the red, your Captain recommends...Ubuntu Shiraz (Western Cape) South Africa 2004 A steal at only $11.00! If y'all like the Aussie and Chilean versions of this Persian grape, you're gonna love this eksepshunal bargain! Available at the LCBO.

Then on Monday, your Humble Commodore and Deacon was at the Air Canada Platinum Club for a special wine tasting. Although I entered in the Advanced category, I was bumped by the organizers to the Professional slot! Your Deacon sampled 7 International (mostly old-world) and 3 VQA wines and 3 spirits: Christmas Past, Present and Future - a hilarious line if you didn't notice. Then I hung out with Paul DeCampo, the Key Account Rep of Henry of Pelham, and knocked back some of their killer Riesling and Baco Noir, along with some excellent finger foods and risotto. I also hooked up with Sommelier Brain Girl Sarah D'Amato, who I'll be featurin' in a future article. (Everybody lubs the Deacon!)

Then that night I sailed down to King and Bay for a special BC vs Ontario tasting at the Ontario Club. (I never really understand these "versus" events. Why not just have BC and Ontario wines? Why's everything gotta be conflict? Violence is always unnecessary, and it makes me want to crank somebody's neck!) At the Ontario Club, your Captain and Deacon made his usually colourful entrance and was expeshully stylish with a skull and crossbones shirt under a basic black jacket; certainly not what "they" are accustomed to...

The crowd was eklektic. A total mix of lurch and peckerdine, often at the same table. I hooked up with Austrians Michael Thurner and Karl Schmidt, the friendly and hilarious sponsors of the event, und ich habe viel Deutsche gesprachen! (Why is it that even the faintest hint of a German accent triggers an almost irresistable urge to snap a hearty "Sieg Heil!" and start talking about those dix Hitler and Goering and Von Ribbentrop? As John Cleese put it: "Don't mention the war!") I also spent some time rappin' with Dean Tudor, Ryerson University Journalism Professor Emeritus. Dean's a very kool dude, but needs to start listening to some Throwdown and Black Sabbath, as soon as possible. A couple of Black Label Society records would be a good prescription too. In fact, all of you need to remember the 3 V's of music:

Volume, volume and volume!

The tasting was lurch! We started with a delish Austrian Gruner Veltliner that set our palates up for what would follow; namely 6 whites and 4 reds. Some of them were quite obvious - Meritage and Oakey Chardonnay, but it was very pleasant eating the cheeses and canapes and listening to Tony Aspler (Canada's Dr. Johnson of Wine) expounding and amazing us all. I wound up giving Tony a lift to North Toronto, before the Black Freighter headed east to the turbulent waters of Scarlem...I bought Tony's Wine Atlas too, and urge you all to do the same. I sat up reading it, well into the night. Loads of lurch info and kool pictures for you whine illiterates:

Another indispensible book for the budding Wine Pirate, is Billy Munnelly's latest offering:

You can read the Deacon's comments on the back cover of Billy's 2007 Wine Guide. Pick it up! If you buy only these 2 wine books, you'll be miles ahead of all the snobby, jank, peckerdine DIX you hang-out with, but can never figure out why.

Well...that's all for today. Your Deacon's gonna retire now to the Captain's Table of the Black Freighter, where the Deaconess has prepared some barbecued beef with all the fixin's!

I lub y'all!


Captain Deacon Dr. Fresh
Always sailin' under the Jolly Roger


Anonymous Dean Tudor said...

My man, I thought the Gewurztraminer from BC sucked big time...IMHO, but I could be wrong

2:54 PM  

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