The Deacon Wine Awards for 2006!

Yo Yo Yo and Yo Ho Ho! Especially to my Homeys and Hoze, and all my fanz who lub the Deacon! Also a special Argh! to my Pirate Crue, the Legion of Lurch.

And lest we forget:

Wassup? to all you wannabee, jank bucket, semi-retarded, gonad scrubbin', Bono worshippin', scrotal exfoliatin' DIX who still don't get it, but tune in none-the-less!

Today we gots somethin' special for y'all!

Fall weather is here, and tis time for the Deacon Wine Awards of 2006!

Now I know a lot of you peckerdine crackers are scared that you might not win. But don't fret. There's always next year, and as always...this was a close one in some areas...

First up: We're gonna look at the Best Sommelier for 2006!

Now there were many recommendations, but the winner just has to be...

The Hungarian Hitman, the 007 of Wine...Zoltan Szabo!!!

Zoltan wins again for general knowledge and lookin' lurcher than any of you mofo peckerdines!

This brings us to our next category...Lurchest Babe in the Wine Industry!

Your Deacon just gots to go with Doris Miculan-Bradley, for bein' lurch with a capital L! (Does the CN Tower realize what a frickin' fire hazard this woman is?)

Next we get to Most Well Loved Person in the Industry...and the winner hands down is...

Billy Munnelly! Everybody loves this guy! And rightly so. Billy practically invented anti-deconstructionism!

and now...Restaurant of the Year....

and the Winner is...A TIE!!!!

Sette Mezzo and 5th Elementt share the Award for quality of food and incredible service! Y'all check them out, crackahs!

And now the Award for Nicest Sales-Guy/Marketer or Sales-Babe at a winery...and the winner is...

Doug Beatty of Colio Estate Wines! Doug has shown himself to be a man of class and style, although his memory occasionally fails him...

And now...Winemaker of the Year! And this year it's got to be...

Stratus' J.L. Groulx, for bein' too frickin' lurch for his own good! How about that Cab Franc?

Now we get to Wine Writer of the Year...and by unanimous acclaim, the Winner is the Lurchman Himself, Deacon Dr. Fresh...because no other wine writer can beat His Excellency, hand-to-hand in the Octagon!

For the Award of Worst Restaurant Reviewer of 2006, let's go no further than Amy Pataki of the Toronto Star! Congratulations Amy! You deserve it!

And we wait with baited breath for Winery of the Year!

This is a difficult one. There are many fine wineries who made the final cut; Colio, Peninsula Ridge, Cave Spring and Stratus, to name just a few. Ontario's doin' real well these days, as is BC...but I have to give the Award for Best Winery of 2006 to...

Henry of Pelham Family Estate Winery! The Speck brothers win for consistent product, attention to detail and just being nice effing guys!!! Their Baco Noir, Pinot Noir and Unoaked Chardonnay won this contest for them hands down. There aren't many wineries out there that can do whites and reds with equal skill. Congratulations Henry of Pelham, and Congratulations to all our winners! You've made 2006 a great year!

By the way...AC/DC won best band again.

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Gangsta of the Grape